What Coaching Actually Is, and What it Isn't!
- 1 hour ago
- 6 min read
When people first come across coaching, I think there can be a lot of assumptions about what it actually involves.
Is it advice? Is it mentoring? Is it therapy? Is it something you do when you are struggling? Is it only for senior leaders? And perhaps most importantly, what actually happens when you have a coaching session?
I have been coaching for the past four years, and I work with people at all different stages of their careers. Some are new managers, some are experienced leaders, and some don't manage anyone at all.
What they tend to have in common is that they are at what I think of as a pivot point or an expansion point in their work or career. Something is changing, something is stretching them, something isn't quite working anymore, or they can sense that there is something they want to move towards but haven't quite worked out what it is yet.
And that's where I think coaching can be incredibly powerful.
So, what is coaching?
At its simplest, coaching is a space to think.
Most of us spend our days moving from one meeting to the next, solving problems, responding to emails and dealing with whatever is directly in front of us. We rarely stop and create the space to properly think about what's happening, how we're responding to it, and what we actually want to do about it.
Coaching provides that space.
It helps you slow down enough to notice what's actually going on for you: your thoughts, emotions, assumptions and habitual responses. From there, it can help you look at things from a different perspective and consider what options you might have.
As a coach, my role isn't to tell you what to do. It's to ask questions, offer observations, challenge assumptions where it might be helpful, and create a space where you can think more clearly for yourself.
The insight and decisions come from you. You are still in the driving seat.
What does that actually look like?
One of the ways I think about coaching is that it often helps people move through three shifts: awareness, understanding, and then choice and action.
Awareness
The first step is becoming more aware of what's actually happening. For example, somebody might come to coaching saying, "I know I'm capable, but every time I speak in a senior meeting I lose confidence."
Initially, they are focused on the situation: the meeting. But through coaching, we might start to notice what's happening underneath it. What are they thinking before the meeting? What assumptions are they making? What are they telling themselves about how they need to perform? What expectations are they putting on themselves?
Understanding
Once we can see the pattern, we can start to make sense of it. Where does it come from? What's driving it? Why does this particular situation trigger such a strong response? Often, this is where people realise that the challenge isn't actually the meeting itself. It's their relationship with the meeting and what they associate with it.
Choice and action
Once we have more awareness and understanding, we have more options.
We can choose how we want to respond, experiment with different behaviours and take action that feels more aligned with who we are, or who we are becoming, rather than simply reacting in the way we always have.
Every coaching conversation and coaching partnership is different, of course, but this movement from awareness, to understanding, to choice and action is something I see again and again.
When do people come to coaching?
There isn't one type of person who comes to coaching, and you don't need to be struggling to benefit from it. For example, someone might have just stepped into their first leadership role. On paper, it's a really positive step, but internally there can be a real shift. They might be questioning their confidence, their identity or whether they are actually ready for the role.
Coaching can create space to explore those questions, understand their strengths and identify the areas they want to develop, while starting to build their own approach to leadership.
Or perhaps your role has evolved and you are now expected to present more, influence more or work with more senior stakeholders. You know you are capable, but something changes in the moment. You find yourself overthinking, going blank or not quite coming across in the way you intended.
Through coaching, we might explore the gap between what you know you are capable of and how you are experiencing yourself in those moments, and then work out what might help you bridge it.
Or perhaps you are navigating organisational change. A restructure, a new team, changing priorities, a new manager, or a role that no longer looks quite like it did six months ago.
Sometimes the question isn't "How do I cope with this?" It's more about "What does this mean for me now, and what do I want to do next?"
Coaching can help you step back from the immediate situation, understand what matters to you, and think more intentionally about how you want to move forward.
A few common misconceptions about coaching
When people first come to coaching, they are sometimes expecting something quite different from what actually happens. So I wanted to clear up a few of the misconceptions I hear most often.
Coaches don't give you the answers
This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions. A coach isn't there to give you their answer or tell you what they would do. There may be moments when I offer an observation or challenge something I'm hearing, but the purpose is to help you think more clearly, not to make the decision for you.
Coaching is a co-created learning environment, which means you stay in the driving seat. My role is to help you think about where you are trying to get to, what's getting in the way and what options might be available to you.
The insight and the decisions come from you.
Coaching isn't just for senior leaders
Coaching is now widely used across organisations, from emerging talent and first-time managers through to senior executives. Some of my clients lead large teams, while others manage nobody at all. The common factor isn't seniority, it's that they are trying to navigate something important.
You might be stepping into a new role, thinking about your next career move, developing a particular skill, navigating a difficult situation or simply trying to work out what comes next.
Coaching isn't just about getting you back on track
A lot of people assume you need to have a problem to benefit from coaching, but that's not necessarily the case. Many people come to coaching when things are actually going well. They have been promoted, they are taking on more responsibility, they are thinking about their next career move, or they want to increase their confidence, visibility or impact.
Coaching can be valuable whenever you are navigating growth, not just when you are facing difficulty.
Why coaching matters now
I think there is another reason coaching has become so valuable and popular in recent years. The environments we work in have changed, and most of us are increasingly operating in situations where there isn't always a clear answer.
We are navigating constant change, competing priorities, new technology, restructures and changing expectations, while also trying to balance performance, wellbeing and relationships.
Change isn't always negative either. Often it's something we have actively chosen. A promotion, a new job, a new team or a career change can all be things we really want, but even positive change asks something of us. It asks us to step into a new version of ourselves.
What is interesting is that two people can experience exactly the same situation and have completely different experiences of it. One person might see opportunity while another sees risk. One might feel energised while another feels overwhelmed.
What I have found, both through my own experience and through coaching others, is that it's not always the situation itself that holds us back. It's how we experience ourselves within it.
The thoughts we are thinking, the assumptions we are making, the stories we are telling ourselves and the habitual ways we have learned to respond under pressure can all shape how we navigate what's happening around us.
Coaching doesn't necessarily change the situation itself. Instead, it can help us understand how we're relating to it and why. And once we have that awareness, we have more choice about how we want to respond.
So, what can coaching help with?
For me, coaching is ultimately about helping people navigate those moments where something is changing, stretching or asking more of them.
That might be stepping into a new leadership or management role, building confidence and self-trust, navigating a career transition, increasing visibility or influence, working through a difficult relationship or situation at work, understanding patterns that keep showing up, figuring out what's next, or becoming clearer about the kind of leader or professional you want to be.
Curious about coaching?
If you are navigating a period of change, stepping into something new, or simply feeling a little stuck, coaching might give you the space to step back, think things through and work out what you want to do next.
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